There Is No Roadmap

As children, there are so may rules.  We are told to drink our milk, go to school and get good grades ("That's your job" my dad used to say.)  There are rules all day about everything and most of us try hard to follow them.   We know that we have to "grow up" and be responsible adults.  That is when it gets confusing.  Suddenly we are thrust into a world of choices.  Apart from the law, we have to start making our own rules.

I have watched my children struggle with the choices, probably far more than I did. I didn't really have many choices or I didn't know about them.  So,  I was quite content to settle into married life and become a mother.  It was a primary calling for me.  Yes, I had dreams of doing other things, but being a mother was my main occupation.  I still think it is a noble calling. 

Fathers today are expected to be much more involved than they were just a generation ago.  I chuckle to myself as I hear mothers complaining about their lack of involvement today.   I remember a blur of being grateful for the moments when my husband would stop to cuddle the infants and play with them.  That was my time to escape for a much needed shower.  I also remember begging for a night off to go ANYWHERE.  Far from lazy, he was often working 2 jobs or working and going to college at night.  He just didn't have the time to commit to diapers or daily care.  

So I just kept moving.  With 3 children in 6 years, I was very, very busy.  I don't remember it any other way.  I loved chaos that was mine.  The only schedules were naptime and bedtime!  Those were the moments of quiet, when I could rest from all the activity those little ones could produce.  Every day at noon, they ate their lunch and if they were not in school yet, they went off to nap.  Aaaaaaaah!  I could have 2 hours of uninterrupted peace!

Years passed and with 2 in high school and 1 in Jr High, life was changing to a new rhythm.  I was working full time, not at a career that fullfilled me, but at a job that helped to pay for music lessons and teenager's car insurance premiums.  Then God decided to surprise us all with a new bundle of joy.  The older kids referred to him as "Ooops!"  I call him Mikey, a child of my heart.  

As I listen to people today who are so very serious about their child planning, I think of how I might have missed out on one of the most wonderful boys ever born, if I had planned.  This delightful baby made everyone smile from the moment he arrived.  It has never stopped.  I used to sit in wonder as he would play for hours on end building make-believe words with his Legos, narrating the stories he was imagining.  Today, I sit in awe as I listen to him play his guitar and fill my soul with his beauty.  

The following year when the kids were talking about "Ooops" having a new brother that they were calling "Oh, Oh!"  I knew they just didn't understand yet that life with a roadmap would be awful for me.  I would have missed out on so much if I followed a roadmap.  That quiet little baby loved to cuddle and he just sat for hours and watched the world go by in all his cuteness.  Who was he?  

Instead of teddy bears, he often preferred to sleep with his baseball mitt.  He would chase any ball and seemed to be filled with joy at the sight of anything that  moved, especially if he could chase it.  How different they are from the moment of birth.  As I watched him grow into a boy who loved to play baseball, wrestled his heart out, recovering from injuries and surgeries, yet returning to the mat, I knew who he was now.  He was a young man born to move, to go places, do things and experience life at it's fullest. 

I am so glad I didn't have a roadmap.  I would have missed all the sideroads that took me to the most beautiful places.

One of my favorite old photos of my guys!