A New Life

It took a very long time for me to give in an accept the fact that I should not be working. The pain has been gaining on me for the past 2 years. However, it always seemed as if the right thing to do was to get up and get to work.

One day I was talking to a friend about the fact that God certainly seemed to be sending me more than I could handle lately. He asked me if I thought God was trying to tell me something. I thought about that comment a lot over for days.

On the Monday after I returned from vacation I was aching so badly by noon that I could not believe the difference from the previous week when I was resting. Catie was calling every hour and as my patience wore thin, it hit me. I could no longer deny what God and my doctors were telling me. I needed to be at home.

In the past few weeks I have experienced a metamorphosis of sorts. I woke on Monday mornings longing to put on a suit and head to work. Instead, I poured the first cup of coffee and headed instead to Vacation Bible school with Catie. I got to see the smile on her face as she made new friends and take pictures of the kids. I could no longer stand on my feet for hours and run the kitchen, but I could snap the photos and help the mentally challenged child to find his room.

Catie took a bad fall on her Heelies and scraped up what seems like every part of her body. I feel good every time I am here to inspect those cuts, clean and re-bandage her. It feels like love, because it is.

I have had the time to take rides with Andy and hear a lot of things I would not have heard. (I also convinced him to let me dye his hair back to normal, thank God.) I have had time with Michael to talk about college and life in general, in between his job and band rehearsals, because I am home.

Cat and Tate have kept me company and I got to teach him silly things like making big loud noises when we kiss or how to push his train. I figured out that "Toe Toe" meant that he wanted Blues Clues on TV by sitting with him and watching it with him until I heard the puppy make the same sound as "Toe Toe". We spent a week working on that one!

I was able to be here for Nicholas on his birthday, help Catie plan her Kool Aid stand and encourage her through some difficult pre-teen moments. For the first time in years, I wasn't too tired to join Joe for dinner and a movie on a Friday night. That alone seemed like a miracle since I usually head right for the couch to ease the pain and refuse all invitations.

Tonight, Nicholas put an ice cube down the back of my shirt and last night Tate squirted me with the hose, laughing in delight. A month ago I wouldn't have been laughing as I was just too crabby from being in pain. Those little boys make me laugh a lot now.

Our house is the neighborhood hangout and in addition to my own kids, I have had some great conversations with the various boys that seem to nearly live at my house. They are some great kids.

I won't lie. I very much miss heading off to work. However, I have found that there were a lot of very important things that I was missing and didn't even know it.